whoaaaaa its been awhile since i last update. but i know there's not lot of ppl gonna read it anyway :) 

i finally accept the fact that nina and i wont work out. so i move on. move on from everything that kept me holding on for so longgg. and i think that i finally found the one that i wont ever leave. not because of the promise i made but its because im simply in love. and for that i thank you :) 

apart from that i eventually pass all my last semester subject and now i think i get a hold on all the new subject :) insyaAllah i can get the pointer i aim :) 

its been too long since i really wanna update this thing. kinda busy lately and havent get the privacy time to update :D

well since i was long away. i've learned that happiness does not come from best friend and friend but you have to actually work hard for yourself. even in your darkest time your friend can't cheer you up but you yourself have to pick yourself up and make yourself happy in any way possible. the truth is i'd been in my beyond lowest moment. shed my tears in the toilet and try to face it with talking , doing stuff and spending time with everyone. but still i didnt fell that much happy. so i calm myself, abandoning myself from everyone and picked up all the broken pieces that i forget to picked along the way to happiness. after that much hardwork i finally feel extraordinary happy. this happiness cant be describe verbally. and i know that this happiness wont last long if i dont work for it to keep it together. so no matter what happen after this. i'll be statisfy with myself and will keep on working my ass off to keep on track at the road of happiness :)

ramadhan is finally here :) im so excited . lately my college life is kinda hard. well , its hard all the time . the money , time , subject , people , and surroundings. its just like it pushing me away like you did. its so hard to concentrate nowadays with disturbance around me. its just too hard.

"because you're lying" this 3 words just lingering in my head. the most highlighted word is "LYING" you think i lied don't you ? well , why don't you explain to me bout roseanna :) seriously , you've been hanging wt her lately , and who's danial ex all saint ? seriously tell me. its either me hiding or you. i cant figure it out myself :)  let see who then shall we :) and for the record i never lie to you. i told you bout my drug addictive didn't i ? but i stop :) i really did

its been awhile since i post in this blog . there are few reasons why . but its not that important to state it anymore :) however i miss Nina a lot :( wish she knew . but i dont know whats into her lately . she kept pushing people around . how i wish i have an access to her head and answer all my question .

anyway , my season 3 of college life have already started. and its a good start so far . i hope it'll get better by time . but this season. there are few characters that has quit due to few circumstances :) thanks for lighten up my last season . hope to see you some other season perhaps :) well , in Sarawak my sports activity have been reduced due to my injuries . just pray that i'll able to start to do extensive training in short period of time .

miss them a lot ! :( 

one of the stuff in the lab i manage to do :) 

my knee which shows the ligament torn . hope i get better in 2 more weeks so i can do lots of stuff *finger cross*

i'll update more later . for now i will be extra busy with my class . to my readers , thank you so much . for starters , my blog ain't that cool like some other people . but thanks for reading . and if Nina is reading this . text me sometimes :) xo's

didnt update for a month . enjoying my holiday to the fullest . hahaha . but actually is im trying so hard to hold myself from showing how sad i am :) anyway , things had passed . well feelings may go on but memories dont . so imma hold on to that memories till you realize how serious i am over you . i've been waiting . and im gonna continue on waiting .

imma pass on that , well tmro is my season 3 in UiTM . its gonna be a really weird experience since you're not around to wake me up , be with me when im stress with my assignment and give me inspiration when i need it . oh well , i guess i have to carry on myself . gonna get much more stronger than before . i havent give up on my life . even if i did . i may not typing this :)
i dont wanna leave Sabah yet . not until i get to slap that one bitch in Kota Belud . she had made our family fall down and chaotic . aishhh . why cant you mind your own business hah bitch ! aishh . stress saya gini -.-

ANYWAY ! wishing you all SELAMAT BERPUASA :) may this year fasting month give all of you blessing :)

Assalamualaikum :)

" Love isn't about trust and feelings , its about how you can accept your partner flaws and their other side " 

this past few days i've been thinking bout nina mariyah :) cause she's the girl of my life . but am i good enough for her ? what am i to her ? questioning myself about it day by dayyyy . and what does she mean by ' you can always text other girls' haihhhh . have to hardened my heart to not get broken easily againnn .

have a pleasant day everyone XO!

im weak , insecure and sad . lately my mood just on rage . and i cant control myself . ysterday i shout at my mum for some stupid things . im losing myself noww . ughh

"If loving becomes painful then its not love anymore. Then its time to let go. Remember that: love is kind & just"

so i decided to hold back my feelings to nina . since all i do is pressuring her with her life . then if we were meant to be . it will eventually happened between us . and now i feel distance with nina . its just the nice timing for me to step out slowly . she eventually wont notice my absence . and im try my veryyyy hard to resist the temptation to text you :) like the quotes say

"As a part of you has grown in me,Together forever we shall be, Never mind the distance because all u need is patience"

*nina pnjam your pict XD*

everybody calling me sparks now -.- and i hate that . im not sparks . im his older brother , rafiq . please take note everybody. maybe because im getting smaller people thinks im sparks . pfft .

soo , the heartache still going . and i cant handle it anymore . how i wish you are mine . i wont afraid on losing you . cause i dont wanna lose you :') knowing you for more than 3 months now . and during this 3 months i sometimes cant stand your perangai . but somehow i still wanna stay . but nevermind

i notice keep on talking bout this girl only . anywayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy , all the rugby tournament had been cancelled for this month . and not sure bout next month and its not fair ! when im in sarawak they will be tonnes of tournament . and if im in kk . no games at all . just training , training and training . pfft . and im getting tired with rugby . its like i

m missing out the passion already . but my goal on reaching as an international player still stand lah . cant skip that dream yet XD but if i wanna reach my goal . i must have the ru

gby passion again . but howw ?

MISS THIS MOMENT !

this was the moment where i get to hold an international trophy . but that time we were only playing in labuan , but still a great tournament :)

i was on my way to sleep and i cant because of what happened tday :')

first was for the first time of my life la salle won the International Understanding day . interact club have made a job well done tday *claps*

secondly , most importantly i think . i've been ditched 3 times in one day . quite an achievement XD so sad my life . but what to do . life bro, life :) tried to have conversation with her today. she'll give a good excuse . and i had no choice just to carry on with my day . i didnt had the chance to say she looks beautiful tday . my heart skips a beat just now but i aint suppose to be treated that way . but then again we both just friend and not more than that . for me its already more than friend . for her , im not sure :') well life has to move on man

apart of this , one of my rugby club members nephew went to icu . and she is my friend also , deena hasny . hope she'll get well soon ! stay strong sistah !

thats all . im feeling much better now :)

so this is where i go when i get nothing from you :( i'll question myself to solve the question in you . and i'll be disappointed if i dont know a thing and cant help u at all . hmmm

" A gemini will never leave you if they think you are a puzzle and then they will spend time solving your puzzling mind."

sometime i over-do things . and sometime i dont care ppl around me . but i care bout you more than i care bout anybody . even myself ba . the every moment you're alone . i wanna be there . if u jalan kaki from school to KK . i'll walk to your school and walk to kk again with u . but jyeah . i dunno laa . i dont know what else i can do to make you happy . in that case , i'll find any way that possible to make u happy

that's all for tonight .

wassuppp !

first of all im proud with my junior for winning the MSSD trophy after i dunno how many years ! and its a great feeling to watched them strive that day :) eventho we failed the last time but as a supporter we didnt fail ;p hahaha

i have nothing interesting to blog but i wanted to blog also . crazy -.- hahahahaha . however , i gave up once . i wont give up on you anymore girl :) you makes me smile non stop and laugh like a crazy person . you mean everything to me :) hope you do realize that :) i dont care la if you dont really have the same kind of feeling like me :) but i'll be by your side forever . and forever is a big thing but i know i can do it :)

thats all for now XO

i gave up ! i did . and im not proud of it ! but somehow i think its for the best :/

*the end*

soooo, its like 3 am . and I've been thinking , thinking , and thinking . it just got stuck in my head. and i dunno who to trust and tell everything bout it . so i'll just compile in my blog instead .

1st problem , i have this huge time crush on this girl. and somehow i was convinced by my friend that this is not like just stupid come and go feeling . its like an eternally feeling . so i man up and tell her bout it . as far as it goes . there was nothing magic . just friend thing happened . and somehow i get all crazy bout it . so i made a new decision either to go up straight against her bout everything or just chicken out and wait like a crazy person . i did say i wait but it doesn't mean i don't want any answer . hmmm. crazy thoughts about me . for now . but i put my faith in her cause i know she's worth waiting and i want her to be my last girl in my life . no other girl in this world can change that :)

my 2nd problem is , i didn't study that much since my second semester starts. all i can think was rugby and then her , and then futsal . well , i've escaping class for rugby and futsal . i just afraid that i'll get dismiss due to the hatred that kept by my lecturers. but i did study extra hard for my finals . i just afraid that my carry marks wont support my final examination marks. hmmmm

and my last problem is bout my friend , i dunno who to trust anymore . since my trust so easily been thrown away like that . somehow my only friends left is her , my kakak angkat and my cousins . only to them i can tell bout everything , well except to her cause i don't want her to worry bout me since she has so much to worry already . and i did noticed that she regretted bout knowing how i feel . well im not sure bout it . just waiting for her to be ready to hear my questions...

i know this post wont be read by anybody.. cause a guy's blog wont get read unless he's extremely hot or undeniable famous..i dont get people this day . why wanna go for famous person? then all the un-famous person will get damned and stuck . and they will eventually become bad and unpleasing people . i said this out cause i've been there and where did it get me . unpleasure, suck, insecure, and condemn . but i already get thru the rough phase . now i'm dealing with problems everyday . i get use to it already so don't mind me :) i'm all good .

so i think thats all for now . feeling much better . but i actually need someone who really care and want to help me out with this , if someone out there can help me . get my fb link in my page and inbox me :) i'll be glad you actually care:)

i finished up my paper last monday . and i feel good bout it . but, i dunno . there's something in me just not right . i can fell that something extremely wrong . haihh. bad feeling !

so i'll be back on 1st april :) but im not excited bout it . WHYYY ? oh my god . i sound like im not a sabahan . and that's sucks ! i really confused with my self lately . even when im typing this piece now . and i really in love with her . but i dont have the guts to really confront her . i wanted to be on my knee and ask her to be my girlfriend . but that is just my imagination on how i wanna do it lah . but suddenly im feeling not sure and insecure . well its all of the sudden lah . pfft . am i that stupid , that blind just to see how much she really care and love for me ? why cant i see that ! maybe because i dont wanna jump into conclusion yet . cause im practically not even ready to have a partner with me now . but then why do i like her and willingly to sacrifice everything for her ? I AM REALLY CONFUSE WITH MYSELF !!

pheww what a day today . i finished my mini project in time and now waiting for my friend to finish up the presentation and present it to the whole class xD

and im having lack of sleeping since then . tsk tsk tsk . shame on me . and for tomorrow presentation im thinking of wearing my faculty jacket with a tie . HAHA why must everything with a tie oh . ughhh . well whatever la . since tmro is my last class for my semester 2 in here . update more later . cheers !

its been 9988787891678987 years since i last update my blog . however this blog contains lots of past memory . and got this one post when i want to buy stuff . and finally i have it now . alhamdulilah :)

since my last update . just going to conclude it in this one post .

march 2011

well lots of thing happens . i quit my 7E job and start to focus on my rugby more . i eventually happen to go for sabah squad selection at sandakan . it was a great experience for me to play rugby in a higher level . however i didnt make it to the sabah squad due to several problems.

may 2011

this was the fucking happy month in my life , my birthday on the 26th and that exact moment i went and register as a proud UiTM student . and lots of my friends kind of mad cause im not in town during my birthday . oh my UiTM is in sarawak . so jyeah . long way from home . its thrilling to be apart from my family . however i mmg biasa away from family . so kinda okay to be apart anyway :)

june 2011 and july 2011

mostly i study , study study and study . nothing really much happened that time except i fell for this one girl . but then its just some silly crush until i met... and during this time i excel in all my subject here :D

august and september 2011

it was my final exam . and it was my first time fasting in negeri orang . buka puasa ramai2 here . awesome moment unfortunately no picture to show you all . so wtv la . hehe . and my final exam when sucks :( too bad

october 2011

fully spent my holiday in kk xD and i get the chance to meet her . hehe . last time was at zaeda's open house . even for a while but happy to meet her :3 look forward to meet her again :)

present

here i am in UiTM again in my 2nd semester . i went to johor recently to play rugby with UiTM rugby club . we won the plate division AGAIN . quite an achievement actually . and my seniors getting sucker by time . feel like punching them in the face ! ughh . sabar jak la .

well thats all for now . no fancy stuff from now on ! and i made this huge promise to myself :) till next post mates !

cheers ~